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What’s a job you would like to do for just one day?

Thoughts flashed through my brain as I read the above statement..

It’s unusual, I guess, for a woman to say this, but I would like to be a Real Mum….

We need to go back to my early years when, like any growing teenager, I dreamed of finding my one true love and marriage, a cottage with a white picket fence and flowers. 

I dreamed of the sound of children; giggling and happily hugging and loving each other…

Yes, it was a dream, and dreams often sadly do not come to fruition…

I did meet a man some 12 years older than my teenage self and I thought what he was showing me was something that lacked in my life…True Love….

You know that kind of stuff one reads about in books or you see in movies- where the father hugs all of his children and says how much he loves them.

A good father will encourage all of his children in all of their endeavours in life. Well, not my father, maybe for my older sisters but not for me.

I was the one he hoped would be a boy- and I wasn’t. He hoped I would be pretty and smart and really clever like my sisters ..and I wasn’t. I never understood why… even though on his deathbed some 40 years after my birth, he actually apologised for the way he treated me???

I was born with a disability that made me appear to be clumsy, and I was a slow learner and I suffered with many childhood illnesses.  But to have a father tell his child that I ‘was not good enough’ not smart or pretty like my sisters left me with low self esteem.

So I thought I’d show them all I’d find a man who showered me with love – even though I wasn’t sure what love was. He promised to marry me, somewhere down the track after he divorced his wife…Yes I was easily fooled, I guess, and was having an intimate relationship with him.

He said if I got pregnant and he was unable to marry me just yet, the child would be adopted out. I never thought  it would happen… but it did..

And then my world fell apart. He left…my family disowned me.the child I carried for 9 months was taken from me sight unseen..and I ..

The ‘ Not good enough’ broken .. fractured beyond repair person had to pick myself up and start life again…alone.

I married but vowed never to have children, for I felt unfit to be a Mother.

Roll the clock forward 25 years and the child I never saw  at birth, never heard them cry..never held them in my arms …got in touch with me! I was totally blown away that he wanted to meet … We built a relationship over the telephone, and I explained to him all he asked..

The time quickly came when we were to meet and bond as Mother and Son. I still, till this day, do not know what I did wrong, but after a few visits  over 5 years, he  told me that I wasn’t the type of person he expected me to be..and even though biologically we were related.. he didn’t see me as his Mum, and if he were to marry, I wasn’t to expect that his children would be allowed to be ‘ my grandchildren’.  I only wanted to be a Mum.

Isn’t that what  most young girls want in life.So if I could have my teenage years back and change the way I lived my life, I just wanted to be a Mum.