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I know i didn’t have a clue when i left school what I wanted to be in life.

I was a dreamer… the teachers even wrote that on my report cards.  Marilyn dreams the day away…well, so what.. we do not all fit the one size fits all at school.

I wanted to escape..to climb the big hills behind where we lived and gaze out on the world, sit there, and be free from all that bound me up into a bundle..

My mum wanted to protect me from the prying eyes that stared at me and sniggered behind their hands and stares . Look at her they’d mutter she has got funny eyes she can’t see properly and look how skinny she is, don’t they feed her.

Yes, I copped it all, but it all started at home, so how my dear mum thought that after my schooling was finished, she would  care for me and protect me for the rest of her days!

It was her husband, yes, the man I never called Dad, he was the boss, just the boss. Mum used to say yes, boss, and I just followed what she said because she oozed love and acceptance of me.

He used to say  cruel things ..like you’re not smart and clever like your sisters ..you’re clumsy and you’re always sleepy and you are just so skinny..you don’t belong…

Yet, on the other hand, as I grew a little older, he used to make me do illegal stuff like I was playing the gaming machines  (we call them poker machines) at the age of 14 because I was tall and he said I would pass for an older person. My job was just to feed his money into the machine and when I got a jackpot ..indicate to him and he would come over and I would go to the toilet and then return when the club manager would be shaking his hand and congratulating him.

Yes, they were weird times. So I didn’t want to stay home with that life..

I wanted to be a governess to children on a property far from civilisation. I wanted acceptance and love. I wanted to be able to teach children to grow under their own steam, to explore the world, and to encourage them to be resilient and humble…

But that never happened.. one never realizes until they’re quite older how missed opportunities impact life.

So if I were to write a resume and list my previous jobs, it would read like this….Farm hand teaching baby calves to drink from a bucket.. bank clerk ..aged home cleaner, cafeteria assistant, batrista in a restaurant, craft group leader, shop assistant selling shoes  women’s apparel.and then books. Selling men’s underwear in large department store.

Then I retired from the paid life and followed God and the Salvation Army. That was my calling in life! I feel comfortable and happy that I found where I needed to be.