mgw08352

There is no way of knowing when one is young that the path that is laid before you is the best to follow or not.

I was the youngest in our family so my parents had experienced child raising before me but my father chose a different path for me. It didn’t matter how hard I tried to keep up with my siblings I would hear the same lament from my father’s lips…’ you’re not good enough’. You will never amount to anything worthwhile.’

One wouldn’t think such a statement would impact a child through to their adult life but it did for me..I lacked confidence to attempt or  compete opportunities that presented themselves. It was not only my father who said those words but the teachers at school as well, who happily  informed me that I wasn’t as smart as my siblings.

Maybe people thought it would encourage me to try harder …and I did do my best always but still it was never good enough for my father.

He did apologise of sorts on his  deathbed…He called me to his side took my hand between his two hands looked me in the eye and said ‘ things could have been  different between us….I should have said more encouraging things to you- but you turned out all right in the end’.

I was 41 years old…a bit late for an apology but I took it just the same.

I never had a family of my own, never had the confidence to bring children into the world. How could I show love to others when it was never shown to me as a child…

I just wasn’t good enough …..

Be kind..be understanding.