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How do significant life events or the passage of time influence your perspective on life?

Often in life, things are meant to be, so I smiled to myself when I read this prompt.

Yes, more than half a century ago, something happened in my life that I never understood at the time   how a wrong decision some months before could impact not only my life but my family’s life.

Over 50 years ago, if a female had ‘ a child out of wedlock’, she was sent away..banned from the prying eyes and minds of the local community.

Yes, my father said.  You have brought shame into our family unit.. You are banned from this household. Do not mention to anyone what your situation is, tell no one…leave…and do not mention ‘it ‘ to anyone.

So, growing inside of me was a child whom I and the father of this said ‘ incident’ had agreed to have adopted out at birth. Where I grew up, the doctors treated girls like me  with disdain, just like the words my Father had spoken to me.

So on the day,  the birth was about to commence, there I was in a hospital alone. I heard the Dr say we won’t give her any pain relief, and the pain can  be the suffering she remembers..

There was a heavy blanket hung from the top of the bed so I could not see the procedure that was going on below…I think I must have fainted because I never heard the baby cry…here I was back in a ward room alone…

In the state where these events happened, they believed it was in the best interest of the ‘ so called Mother ‘ if she didn’t find out anything about the ‘child’… one was told the less you know, the easier it will be for you  to forget.

I left the hospital the next day with no medication and nothing to stem the milk flow that followed. I was actually boarding with a family with an understanding woman, who helped me out.

There was no counselling or and support groups in those days.. I did find out from a nurse the details of the child, but it was a sworn secret.. I wasn’t to tell anyone.

A week later I was back at the hospital  and signed the papers to have the child adopted and given to another family to raise.

The government officer grilled me on what a ‘henious ‘ thing I’d done having unprotected sex before marriage… and how I would have to live with the consequences of my actions  for the rest of my life.

A gust of wind blew the papers onto the floor in front of me and there was the details of the birth. Oh I said that’s what I was told…blue eyed blond hair 7.7lb baby boy..

The man became outraged and said, “Who told you that.. if it was a nurse, I will have her sacked!

I said I didn’t remember who it was.

I had just heard someone discussing it in the corridor. He said you are not told or shown the  child because the less you know about it, the easier it will be to get in with your life.

I felt like a criminal..I’d done the crime, now I had to forage ahead and make a life for myself.

I won’t go into details my life went into a dark place of what seemed like of no return… many psychiatric hospitals stays  later…  I found a man that accepted what did and married me out of pity.  I never had any more children.

Many years on the ‘ child now a man of 25 years turned up. Then, I had to explain his presence  to family and friends who weren’t aware of where I’d disappeared to all those years ago.

Sadly, my son decided I wasn’t the type of woman he wanted as a mother, and after meeting my own mother ( my overbearing intolerant Father had passed), thankfully…my son never returned to see her. She adored this long lost grandchild …and said she could die happy now she had eventually met him and his family.

Sadly like I said the relationship with my son didn’t last I’m still in contact with his x wife and the 2 lovely grandchildren.

I’ve had lots of counselling and have moved on in life caring for others who have ‘been cast out’ like I was.

So my past did shape my future, which gave me a life and a purpose for everyday living.

Today is my son’s birthday, and below is the words I wrote to him.

February 4….
Our minds are silly things sometimes they forget things we want to remember and remember things we often might sooner forget or regret..
I’m pretty brave putting this on here today ..but it is what it is.

A letter from a Mother to a Son …

Well, my son, on this day 51 years ago, you popped out into the world. I always wanted what was best for you and the decisions I made all those years ago..still stand.
I believe I did what was best for you ..
Two beautiful people were chosen to be your parents, and you even had an older family member( sister) who adored you.

I met all those lovely people years later from that day and believe you had opportunities come your way that you would never have got if you’d stayed in my care.
I will never understand the inner anger? distrust ? – you have towards me, and I do not hold any grudge about the things that have kept us apart all these years.
I’m the ‘ thankful & grateful ‘ person always for what comes my way no matter whether it is good or not good.
I’m thankful you met my Mum before she passed she was so proud of you & your then wife & your 2 young boys. She said to me then ( Sept 2005) when we all met for a meal at my sisters’ place ..that she ( my Mum) could die happy because you’d grown into a lovely chap.

I’m thankful & grateful that you got married & gave me 2 wonderful grandchildren..
now adults. ..beautiful children.

I’m thankful you met my sisters and their children.
But the communication between you and me seems lost..but my door is always open..just to hear those 3 little words …thank you Mum..or I love you…
There doesn’t have to be anything else..
So as the tears stream down my face I just want to say …
Happy Birthday Son.
From your biological mother..Marilyn.
……
Time is a healer..maybe but the underlying hurt will always be there.

My Son sent the following passage to….me not long after he first met me when he was 25
I didn’t realise at the time how true this passage is… value time spent with those you love because, like the wind- it can change direction very quickly.

Sorry that I didn’t upload it was a story about life how we get a train and meet people and they unexpectedly leave..

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